Trumpiana: On his travesty’s service!

Agent Orange comes to the aid of POTUS wannabe king

Donald Trump had returned from China after making some “great deals,” though unspecified. Yet the morning talking heads and late night comics alike were suggesting it was Xi Jinping who had made him.

And some of the ever faithful Congressional Republicans too were for once squirming to rebel. Time for Agent Orange to come to the aid of POTUS and family with a new caper.

Among a fusillade of memes he fired was a fake Time cover of “The Reunion” with Xi. Another had Trump looking fondly at his younger self in military uniform. A third one portrayed the commander-in-chief directing his Space Force with a hand on a red button like the one on the Resolute Desk that fetches him Diet Coke.

And one on X put a Tuxedo-clad Trump as a silhouetted 007 in a faux movie poster, overlaid with text saying “Make America Great Again” as Amazon MGM Studios kicked off auditions to find the next James Bond — only to be mocked by a flurry of carping critics.

Come Friday, an all dressed up Trump gave up his plans to attend his son Donald Trump Jr.’s wedding as a CBS report attributed to unnamed sources suggested that he was preparing for a fresh round of military strikes against Iran.

“Circumstances pertaining to Government, and my love for the United States of America,” did not allow him to attend the wedding, Trump posted on Truth Social. “I feel it is important for me to remain in Washington, D.C., at the White House during this important period of time.”

The president also gave up his plans to spend Memorial Day weekend at his golf property in New Jersey as some members of the U.S. military and intelligence community too canceled their plans “in anticipation of possible strikes,” CBS reported citing several unnamed sources.

The first thing that the POTUS did during “this important period” was to celebrate the vanquishing of another enemy with an AI generated clip of himself dancing after tossing “The Late Show” host Stephen Colbert in a dumpster.

“Colbert’s firing from CBS was the ‘Beginning of the End’ for the untalented, nasty, highly overpaid, not funny, and very poorly rated Late Night Television Hosts,” he posted. “Others, of even less talent, to soon follow. May they all Rest in Peace!”

Earlier, Trump did make a mother of all deals — with himself as President. He agreed to drop his family’s $10 billion lawsuit against the Internal Revenue Service for the leak of their tax filings in exchange for the creation of a $1.776 billion “Anti-Weaponization Fund” to compensate people he says were targeted for political reasons.

Trump and his family would not gain from the deal, suggested his Acting attorney general Todd Blanche. But Uncle Sam is “FOREVER BARRED and PRECLUDED from prosecuting or pursuing” Trump, his eldest sons or any of their businesses. The agreement also covers matters “whether presently known or unknown” and cases that “have been or could have been asserted” by the government.

“This means that the longstanding Internal Revenue Service audit of Trump, which dates back to his days as a television star and real estate developer, will most likely end on terms favorable to him,” the New York Times pointed out noting, “An adverse ruling in that case could have cost him more than $100 million.”

The document also places off limits the investigation of any tax disputes (or tax crimes) regarding returns that were filed before the deal, placing “the president and his family in a new category of citizenship,” suggested the Times.

But for once Senate Republicans baulked. Objections to Trump’s “slush fund,” as the critics called it, prompted them to delay a vote on a $72 billion package to fund the immigration police and Border Patrol until June.

“I gave up a lot of money in allowing the just announced Anti-Weaponization Fund to go forward,” posted a hurt Trump. “I could have settled my case, including the illegal release of my Tax Returns and the equally illegal BREAK IN of Mar-a-Lago, for an absolute fortune.”

“Instead, I am helping others, who were so badly abused by an evil, corrupt, and weaponized Biden Administration, receive, at long last, JUSTICE!”

Meanwhile, after warning Iran, “the Clock is Ticking, and they better get moving, FAST, or there won’t be anything left of them,” he returned to more important matters of state.

Trump promised to “work very hard” to make daylight saving time permanent after a Republican House committee advanced a bill to end the practice of “springing forward” and “falling back” on the clock each year.

Taking some journalists on a tour of the construction site for his $400 million White House ballroom, Trump hoped it would be finished by September 2028 despite numerous legal challenges. He also got a Federal commission, packed with his allies to approve his 250-foot towering triumphal arch nicknamed ‘Arc de Tump’ in Washington.

Then he turned to another vital task of “opening up many of the decades old, closed Fountains throughout the D.C. area. So far, over 20 have been revitalized, and fixed, looking better than the day they were built, many years ago.”

But Trump’s efforts to silence late-night hosts haven’t had much success. They’re mocking him even more despite threats by the FCC chair and his repeated calls to get them fired, according to a Washington Post analysis.

In response, Trump has got more profane in his use of vulgar language, personal insults and self-aggrandizing rhetoric, according to the Post. Trump’s vulgar or insulting social media posts have tripled compared with a similar period in his first term. And 93% of his speeches this term contain a vulgar term, up from about 40% last term.

As noted comedian Johnny Carson suggested, “Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do!”

(By arrangement with The American Bazaar)