Dear Maya, we’ll cover it all up

The Unofficial Final Legal word on the Electoral Cover-Ups, brought to you — or rather, uncovered — by Shivjeet Kullar.
This is Supreme Court Order No 42324/symbl/12 issued by Justice Nobullwallah upon hearing the plea of one Miss Mayawati of Uttar Pradesh that the Election Commission of India had unfairly treated her by making her cover all the elephant statues in her kingdom while the elections are on as it was her election symbol.While upholding the actions of the EC, in the interests of making all elections fair, we hereby pass these orders.
- When elections are on in any state where the Congress is contesting, no Open Hand reminders shall be allowed. The EC is requested to procure 11.45 million pairs of gloves to cover the open hands of deities in temples across India. Furthermore, any citizen greeting another with an open handed ‘howdy’ is liable for a `500 fine or three months imprisonment, or both. Furthermore to furthermore, on that day, all beggars are ordered to beg with closed hands only.
- The same goes for the Lotus symbol of the BJP. No lotuses shall be on view anywhere. The EC is ordered to procure 2,000 square metres of cloth to cover up the Lotus Temple in Delhi.
- With the Bicycle being the symbol of the Telugu Desam Party and the Samajwadi Party, no bicycles should be in view when their elections are on. Nor should there be any poor farmers or laborers hanging around because this would only serve to remind the voters about the vicious cycle of poverty.
- With the Indian National Lok Dal having the symbol of Spectacles, no citizen shall be allowed to wear spectacles on voting day. The EC is ordered to procure 2,30,000 pairs of contact lenses so that senior citizens can see properly.
- The Mizo National Front has the symbol of a Star. The EC is directed to issue a memo to God that no stars may be allowed to shine on the previous night, otherwise that would be an unfair advantage. As for the Forward Bloc and others who have the symbol of the Rising Sun, elections will only be allowed when there is a full solar eclipse on. The next one is scheduled for April 25, 2022. You’ll just have to put up with your government till then.
- The All India Trinamool Congress has chosen to use Flowers and Grass. We hereby direct the EC to transport all voters either to the Sahara Desert or Everest Base Camp so that they can vote without being influenced.
- The Nationalist Congress Party, with its Clock, poses a peculiar problem. It would be easy to banish all clocks, but then how would the elections proceed on schedule? For their masterful stroke we hereby declare them an automatically elected government. This brings us to the end of this judgement. Let it be written, let it be done.
(Following this the honorable judge resigned and entered politics — his election symbol was Clothes, and currently, Delhi is gearing up for its first nude elections).
shivjeetk@gmail.com