Why do people in an abusive relationship avoid a break-up?

Every morning Sangeeta is greeted with a new bruise. The mirror reflected the truth, which she fought hard to deny. The first time her boyfriend hit her, she forgave him thinking it will never happen once. But she was wrong. She is now engaged to be married to him and bears his behaviour without any complaint. It’s not that she isn’t aware of what is happening. Many like Sangeeta just accepts the blows of an abusive partner—be it physical or mental—not because they are weak. According to experts, moving away from an abusive partner is easier said than done. “A relationship involves a lot of investment in terms of time, energy and effort. When it has been a part of one's life for a while, breaking up can be difficult. There are multiple reasons why people who may be in an abusive relationship struggle to break up with their partner,” said clinical psychologist Kamna Chhibber, Head of Mental Health, Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Fortis Healthcare. Here are some of the reasons that prevent a person from breaking-up with an abusive partner.

Questioning your own judgment of the person can raise a lot of self-doubts. To preserve one's self-image, often people tend to continue in an abusive relationship.

It takes time to process and realise that the relationship is truly abusive. In the first instance, one thinks this was just a one-off and won't repeat. When it happens another time, one hopes it won't happen the next time and the cycle continues.

Since one has never imagined being in such a situation, there are no cognitive mechanisms in place to combat such a situation. It takes one by surprise and it takes time to be able to determine the next course of action.

There can be fear associated with leaving an abusive relationship. Since the power dynamic is tilted towards the individual's partner (the abusive one), the belief that one can effect change and that no harm will come by doing so may not be present.

It is difficult to speak with others around, including friends and family. We try to be stoic and in being so, believe that we should try to handle problems on our own. As a result, people don't end up sharing the first instance and since a precedent gets set, the abusive relationship continues until someone gets to know or the victimised partner gets fed up.

The need to fix things and make them perfect can be strong in some. They can falsely believe that they would be able to do something and thus keep continuing.

In emotionally abusive relationships, often the one being abused is falsely led to believe that the fault and problem lie with them and they end up being in a space where there are guilt and self-blame which make it difficult to move out of an abusive relationship.

(All images used here are representational)