Things you should know too
We all have different kinds of spouses. Some are independent, some too dependent, emotional and clingy. Then there is a category we often make fun of. The pampered ones! I had a love marriage and I am very happy today but I have definitely come a long way because I was married to a “papa ki pari”. There is a way to deal with them. As a goodwill gesture, I bring to you things I wish I knew before marrying a “papa ki pari”. Note: Read it when she is not around.
She is pampered & expects the same from you
Marrying a woman who has been pampered all her life cannot suddenly change. She has been treated like a princess so she expects you to treat her the same way. Even if she is trying to get out of her oyster of a shell, support her, not nag her. Cheer her on. Take her out too. So what if you cannot afford a dinner at the Taj every other day? You can take her to a nice restaurant at least once a month! Cook for her sometimes and set up the house in a way that makes her feel special. It is all about how you make her feel special at the end. There may be fights because she likes certain things a certain way but you knew that already so why fight? You did not change so why expect her to change?
Her father/mother or even brother will shower her with gifts
You have to set aside your manly ego if you are marrying a “papa ki pari” because she will be showered with gifts for her personal use or for the house because her family wants to not because they think you cannot afford it. The moment you let that thought seep in, you have given way to insecurities! It is okay if they want to give something to their daughter. How can you make that returning gesture? Take care of them emotionally. If you are not an emotional person, get them small things they have been looking for. You mother-in-law loves bindis? Get her a pack of different ones! Your father-in-law likes to drink? Get him a good bottle once in a while. Just do what you can afford. The moment you let them see that it is making you question your own inabilities, half the battle is lost!
Accept the fact that she loves attention
All pampered kids, the aankhon taara kids have this issue wherein they love attention. Some keep it subtle and some are very obvious about it. Let her shine! You have to accept the fact that this is her personality. It took me a few months to digest the fact that she is like this. When I did, I also noted that she is bold about it and it gives her a sense of confidence. So why not let her be? You are subtle so you are balanced together. It takes a while to let that wisdom sink in, but acceptance and a hawkeye’s vision is the key to it all.
She may cry if she doesn’t get what she wants
Behold! The princess may throw tantrums and it can drive you nuts! The habit of getting what you want is toxic when it comes to the reality of life. Some girls that I knew in my past took it down a notch after their marriages but my girl remained the way she was before.
I try to give her what she wants but sometimes when it is not possible for me, I let her roll on the floor (not literally! You get the “bhawna” here?) Then after she has calmed down, I explain the issue to her like I would to my own daughter. And it works! And this happens more over things like me not giving her time when she knows I have a lot of work to do. She wanting a puppy after watching “Hachiko”.
Her sudden craze for getting the walls painted all green! It is rarely materialistic. Yes once she did go nuts over demanding a new TV that was just launched. It was an ugly fight where I let my ego come in and I taunted her that she can ask her parents for it. Yes I let that happen. But this time it was she who made me calm down and understand why she wanted it and that she will chip in too. My point being, “papa ki pari” does not mean she is stupid! Never stereotype women! They are a mystery and you should let them unfold at their own pace!
She may have an emotional baggage
Many times, parents hand over whatever their kids want so that they stop creating a scene. If you have seen enough movies, read books, you may have an inkling that all this stems from an emotional problem in the kids. Not getting emotional support from their parents too can lead to such behaviour. To cover it up, out of guilt, the parents give it all and it is mostly materialistic and eventually these kids become what you married! Emotionally, they could be delicate. I realised that after a few dates…and it took me a lot of dates to reach that layer of the onion peel the woman had guarded herself with. Surprisingly, it makes you fall further for her. You will know what I mean. Start now if you haven't dug in yet.
PS: This article is strictly for men married to women who have been coined “papa ki pari” by several people who clearly do not know her heart. Don’t let her read this article. She may hit you with her bag or worse - Cry in the bathroom!
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