Fathers play a very important role in shaping their son's lives
No matter how much we might have progressed as a society, masculinity has stood as a barrier against relationships, advancement and complete freedom time and again. Even the best of fathers have been guilty of offering unhelpful advice to their sons or simply serving them with unsolicited pieces of ‘motivation’ on a difficult day that end up making the day far worse. Masculinity has often taken the fore front while basic needs of young men took a back seat as fathers burdened them subconsciously with expectations that are based on the idea of masculinity. However, it’s never too late to fix the little damage that you might have done. Here are seven things that every son wants to hear from his father.
Prioritize your happiness over others'
It is important for your son to know that prioritizing the self is not just good but extremely imperative. The society already expects a lot from men, and that is the responsibility that patriarchy burdens them with. However, in order to combat that pressure it is necessary to not ‘take one for the team’, and go ahead and do what makes them happy.
Give what you expect
Treating people as you wish to be treated is the first and foremost rule that works everywhere, in all spheres of life. It is also helpful in instilling the ideas of community and loyalty in the child and challenges individualism. A sense of community and unity helps the child become a well-rounded individual.
Be gentle with yourself
Children are born with the belief that the world is a bed of roses and a fair place. In such a case, anything that goes wrong with them is taken to be their own fault by them. In such cases, it is extremely important for the child to know that certain things are beyond their control and not their fault. People, their behaviors and their actions are much beyond them and some of them might just be vicious individuals who act mean without it being any of their fault.
I love you and understand you
The easiest excuse that you might give to yourself and your child for never being as expressive would be that your generation doesn’t work like that but it shouldn’t be so. Your child should know that they are loved, not just through actions but also words. Words have a calming effect and saying I love you to a child also carries connotations of understanding and unconditional support.
People who are hurt will hurt you
Hurt people hurt people is a clever adage that most of you would be familiar with but it is actually a very helpful piece of advice that should be given to your child. The child should know that it is just a way to transfer their pain and hurt to you.
That isn’t your best, try again
It is important for you to tell your children that they are not putting in their best. It not just enables them to put in their best but also makes them realize how capable they are and should never settle for anything less than they deserve. It also makes the father a great mentor who runs a transformative relationship, i.e. the relationship pushes the child to do better than he individually would.
I failed multiple times
The child grows up looking up to their parents as its ideal and often harbor the belief that the father is incapable of doing anything wrong or committing mistakes. It is important to humanize yourself in front of your child so that it can also view itself under a human lens. This promotes a healthier form of masculinity in the child.