Thin & fair?: Brides-to-be say it’s time to not care

Fair. Beautiful. Thin. These attributes once part of matrimonial ads are making way for the new beauty gauge — confidence, intelligence, emotional maturity and a touch of ‘chocolate/caramel skin’ — as society is fully primed to shift from long-held, longunquestioned societal norms.

Boxed in by narrow beauty standards perpetuated by matrimonial advertisements with trite descriptors, young women and brides-to-be are coming under unrealistic expectations and pressure. Now, the kids on the marriage block are embracing their authentic selves. Brides-to-be are among the worse impacted by societal pressure to meet beauty standards, often feeling the need to conform to certain ideals just to find a suitable partner.

However, a new generation is pushing back against these narrow definitions of beauty. Jenny John, 24, shared her journey of self-acceptance with TOI. Once told her ‘dark’ skin would make marriage prospects tough, Jenny now celebrates her “chocolate/caramel skin” as an asset. “I feel it’s my strength, my beauty. I don’t wonder or fear anymore about getting married. I know there will be people who will love me for who and what I am intrinsically,” she said.

Bride-to-be Meghna K expressed similar sentiments. After years of feeling pressured to conform to societal beauty standards, she’s now embracing her brown skin and curvy body. “Growing up, I felt I had to fit certain descriptions to be considered worthy. But now, I realise how limiting and harmful these ideas are. I’ve decided to reject outdated norms and embrace my true self,” she said.

It’s not just young adults and brides-to-be. Teenagers have also felt the pressure of this matrimonial culture. “For years, I felt pressured to be fair and slim because that’s what I saw in matrimonial ads,” said Reshma Shirin, a 19-year-old student.

“It took me years to take pictures without filters that whitewash us. Society wants us to be whitewashed; when we try, they call us fake. It’s all about the right people who make you feel loved for being yourself. No filters. No whitewashing. Just pure love from people who appreciate your beauty, both inside and outside,” she added.

Matchmakers across Bengaluru have noticed this shift in attitudes. Meenaka Kumar, a seasoned matchmaker, observed that men are no longer solely focused on physical appearances, and women are crafting more honest, empowered profiles.

“People are looking for traits like smart, financially independent, and politically aware partners,” Kumar noted, indicating a broader change in marriage priorities. Poornima Bhasker, a relationship adviser, echoed these observations.

She highlighted that women are making smarter choices and valuing their confidence, intelligence, and emotional maturity over traditional beauty standards. Beauty brand Dove, in partnership with TOI, is trying to turn traditional matrimonials promoting outdated beauty standards into empowering ‘mothermonials’ that inspire society to see brides beyond stereotypes.

(mothermonials.com site, enabled with AI, is also assisting women to express themselves better)